Sunday, November 20, 2011

Rory's Report: Lisahally 3 - 0 Celtic Swifts

Lisahally 3 - Celtic Swifts 0
by Rory Kirk on Sunday, 20 November 2011 at 19:02.


Well hello sports fans and what a good day for Lisahally down in the Stra Arena earlier as they recorded a fine victory and gained a massive three points. With the November heatwave continuing it was a fine morning down at our riverside location and the Beechwood venue was in some nick and credit must go to our groundsmen for preparing such a surface. This morning I also got the shock of my life when Decky Brown was one of the first players to arrive in changing rooms, whatever Jai told him has certainly worked as he was back to his best today and had a great game - nice to see him sober.

Today also seen the return of the new over 40s cult hero Fergie from his hibernation and he once again looks older. As the supporters started to gather there was a high level of anticipation on what Lisah' would show up. Half the supporters were also drunk as skunks due to the Carlsberg promotion in Molins last night and it will be a noisy night down in the club tonight as they celebrate today's victory. Rumour has it 3 pound Danny is going to sing a wee Gareth Brooks number to his number one wag, weren't those oranges at half time lovely today again?

I last seen the bag of oranges flying over the quarry at a fast rate, last boy to go over the quarry like that landed in a washing machine! Who was it? With the three pounds gathered and the usual "change the rigs twice" trick carried out it was time for warm ups and pre-match talks from our elder statesmen to rouse the wee doggs into battle. Most players looked fresh but a few look tired due to their late night antics of ringing there boyfriends to wish them goodnight (Aidy). There were a few absentees today which included recently engaged birthday boy Emmett "Shuh", "Fernando" Doherty injured and Micky Cooke and Jonny Hume who had to attend a hair dressing convention in Belfast. These boys after today will find it hard to break back into the team as competition for places is now heating up and no one is safe.

Returning however to the squad today was the prodigal son Kieran Mc Glinchey and he had the nerve to take Lisah' legend Shaun "one gear" Whoriskey's seat - they must have taught him no manners at Downeys at all. It was however great to see him back and he had a great game and has the pace at the back to help out auld "one gear" Whoriskey. Today also seen the debut of the wee hobbit Robbie Hume and he is another great addition to squad. It was great to see so many young wee doggs playing together as a team. Celtic Swifts had a much more youthful team out today than last time and to be fair gave Lisah' a good game.

First half started at lightning pace with end to end action. The wee doggs looked well up for it and I could sense early on that a victory was on the cards today. The breakthrough came from ace marksman Barry Murray after a goalmouth scramble and he flicked it home with ease. The goal will hopefully erase all memories of the well documented Ronnie Rozenthal moment yesterday with "Egahally FC". With Shaun, J.R, Decky and Judas keeping it tight and simple at the back and Big Joe "Gomes" in nets, Lisah' were in full control. The midfield partnership of Jai and Mc Shan' were invincible in centre of the park and the two Sugar poster boys of Duffs and Aidy bombing the wings it was just a matter of time until we hit the second.

The second goal was worth the £5 entrance fee when the wee new houses man Robbie Hume sent his 25 yard free kick curling around the wall and into the bottom left hand corner to make it two nil and a great debut goal. Lisah' were now moving through the gears, the sidelines were in love with the team again and even "Sticks" and the salmon Mc Al made a surprise appearance. How many sidelines would provide support like it, roll on The Longfield and Spike's Teenage Kicks. Although in control, Lisah' did not add to the scoreline before half time and the only other highlight was captain Jai sending the ref flying for getting in his way. With the halftime whistle blown it was like ten o'clock down in Centra's belly counter on DLA day with the fight for those delicious oranges on the sideline. Not much talking was required from Stroker and Wee Bull as the team was doing exactly as asked so we all went a walk around the Otters Bank and then a game of Hunts up in the new houses until the second half started. The half time question was,

•What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and grey when it's used up?

The second half got under way and whatever the Swifts men were drinking at half time seemed to work as the looked a better team second half and started to get into game. Lisahally started to sit back and soak up the pressure and Swifts slipped an extra man into midfield. It was now Lisahally's turn to experience some pressure. We went quiet and started to panic a wee bit at the back but with Big Joe "Gomes-tripod-white Drogba in nets he kept Lisahally in it with a fine display of goal keeping. A great prospect for future years. His brother big JR was last night seen with Jai and Joe up at six mass singing with Father Colhoun and JR's prayers were answered when he recieved a nasty head injury and ended up resembling something out of Aliens - just need Sigourney Weaver to hunt him down now.

However the power of prayer helped him - me and him said a wee rosary going off the pitch with Jai and big Joe singing the old rugged cross in the background. This sub seen the return of Stroker on the playing front and he used his experience to quell the Celtic storm. Next sub was the nephew of Hard Baps, big John Marshall and he marked it with scoring his first goal in Lisahally colours with a diving header that hit his shoulder and ended up in the back of the net - a real collector's item and a goal he will cherish. I should also mention that wee Duffs put in a pinpoint cross for the goal before I come to the good part.

With the game now over as a contest Lisah started to regain control again and it should really have been four nil but for a potential miss of the season from wee Duffs - his sister Bronagh would have scored it. With the "Fields of Athenry" now ringing around the arena followed by a rendition of that old classic "Who Let the Doggs Out", the game came to a close and the supporters headed back into Beirut happy and looking forward to their Sunday dinners and free pints of carlsberg.

This was a massive three points for Lisahally as it was our first home win in league and with league leaders 3 flowers coming to Strathganistan next Sunday we needed a good head of steam before taking on the cream buns from Coshquin. There were happy scenes in the changing rooms after game and it was good to see the wee doggs back barking and enjoying themselves in the showers with eachother. This today was also record cap holder "one gear" Shaun "Féin"'s last game as hopefully very shortly Danielle produces the next generation of Stra Whoriskey footballer and he wont be allowed out anymore to play.

Topher also said if its a boy that he is buying everyone connnected with Lisah' a pint. All the best Shaun and enjoy your retirement and welcome to the real world come birth. Anyway I must go as I can hear the 'Pool fans outside celebrating winning the league again and "Strictly" is nearly on. Great performance today from all players and management and backroom staff including Evergreen Hargan who apparently needs a new kit man - application forms available from Maccers. Keep on barking and we will keep on supporting and helping build a potential team of league winners. Woof Woof, The Big Dogg

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